I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
