When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
