TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
