So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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