My liver just broke up with me...
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Randomize
