at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I want to stick my p in your. b.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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