We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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