it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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