I heard we made out
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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