I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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