some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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