I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
What happened to fro yo and sex?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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