everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
