You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize