i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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