Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
