Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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