the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
