Your face is a jimmy john
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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