So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
oh god the rape fog is back!
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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