Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Randomize
