In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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