At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
