White coat. Heels.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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