How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
