I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
