Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I showed him my bush... on skype.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
sarcasm needs its own font
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
