i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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