Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
