My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
OPIZZABONMYDICK
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Randomize
