please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
no you cant smoke seaweed
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
