shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
