He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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