Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
