i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
