Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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