his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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