They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
My vagina is officially offended.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
