You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
