3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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