I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize