8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
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