I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
So much rum. So many feels.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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