I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
