Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I would fuck him just for his dog
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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