I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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