hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
We are all done wearing pants today
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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