i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
