we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
