Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
