Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
