i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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