those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
