I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
