yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
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