I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
