Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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