Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
