You're so nebulous sometimes
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
