Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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