my vag is so smooth its legendary
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
