yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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