I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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