She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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