and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
My day in three words: secret purse cake
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
