She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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