i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
