WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
