I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
