I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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