he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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