1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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